My friend Jaber posted a screenshot today of a fun little magazine infographic proposing possible locations for the third movie in the Hangover trilogy. After Las Vegas and Bangkok, where else should a buch of dudes go to wreak drunken havoc and forget all about it the next morning? One suggestion was Dubai, which got me started on possible Middle East locations for the next film. The tweets got a lot of attention, so I’m republishing them all here (with bonus extended Israel/Palestine editions), in one place, for the sake of our children and our children’s children:
The Hangover 3, in:
Dubai: the wake up in jail. They remain there for the next three years. The end.
Iran: They wake up buried up to their waists in sand, with a bunch of dudes standing around eyeing a pile of rocks, checking their watches.
Saudi Arabia: They do not wake up.
Beirut: They wake up. Antics from previous night were considered tame by Beirut standards. Hizbollah has their friend though.
Cairo: They wake up. Spend five hours in a cab trying get to their friend, who is in a cafe 5km away. Za7ma. The end. (za7ma = particularly soul-crushing Cairo traffic)
Doha: There was nothing to do, so they went for dinner in the hotel and had an early night. (Everyone who sees this movie is paid $5000, it wins every Oscar)
Kuwait: There was nothing to do, so they went for dinner in the hotel and had an early night. Nobody sees the movie, because it took 14 years to film due to parliamentary bickering.
Abu Dhabi: They wake up. Their night was the same as one in Dubai a few years ago, but cost $170bn and wasn’t quite as awesome.
Bahrain: What these terrorists did to our country cannot be forgiven, we stand behind our king as he brings them to justice.
Jordan: They wake up. The night was OK, fine. Saudi Arabia gives them $600m, they tell their friends it was the best night ever.
Tunisia: They wake up. Their night of partying has set in motion a chain of events that changes the Arab world forever.
Syria: They wake up hanging upside down with electrodes on their genitals. All they remember is having the best shawerma ever.
Pan-Arab edition: They wake up. It’s fairly easy to piece together the previous night because @sultanalqassemi live-tweeted it.
Iraq: They wake up, are told to leave the country immediately but fear its stability and fledgling democracy could suffer if they do.
Libya: They wake up, a madman in a velvet cape, aviator sunglasses and fur hat lectures them incomprehensibly for 3hrs. The end.
Palestine: They wake up and all their stuff is missing. They try to get it back but some other guy says God promised it to him. This movie goes for 60 years and is incredibly repetitive but for some reason people can’t get enough of it.
Israel: They wake up with a room full of stuff they stole the night before. 300 men kick the doors in and try to get it back, but somehow four guys manage to kick 300 guys’ asses. They complain that they live in a rough neighborhood of violent thieves. This movie goes for 60 years and is incredibly repetitive but for some reason people can’t get enough of it.
For anyone that missed @tomgara’s tweets this morning – here they are for posterity!
You missed Yemen: They wake up. There’s a guy in the room, and they ask him to leave. For the next two and a half hours he keeps saying yes, he’s just going, but he doesn’t leave, until someone gets mad and clocks him. Then an ambulance takes him to Saudi Arabia, while all his relatives turn up and say he’s going to be right back any minute.
Loved it. Absolutely amazing!
You forgot to add the Omani version and the Yemeni version (don’t forget the Qatt)…
OK, here’s one for the girls. If Hollywood considers making a sequel for Bridesmaids and set in any country in the Middle East, this is what would happen:
A bachelorette party is thrown at one of those lavish Friday brunches in one of those lavish hotels that host lavish brunches. One of the women from the bridal party goes to the ladies room. She gets sexually assaulted. The police is called. The assaulted woman gets charged for having an illegal affair, and the rest of the bridal party are charged for illegal drinking because they don’t have an alcohol license. They spend a few weeks in jail. A social media frenzy takes over calling for their release. The story makes headlines in the western papers. A couple of months later, the women get released and deported. The wedding is cancelled. The End.
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